Ivor Biggun Halfway Up Virginia Lyrics

Now I'm just an old hillbilly boy
I ain't no city slicker
My interests is incest, bestiality, and liquor

I live on grits and catfish that muck around in the fountains
And I'm just a cunt... cunt... country boy
And I f*ck around in the mountains

But I've been down in Georgia, I've been in Caroline
I've been in both their sisters and the hole in the lonesome pine
Been in and out of Charlotte and her husbands after meeeeee
But halfway up Virginia is where I wanna be
Yea, halfway up Virginia is where I wanna be
Now I've got fifty sweethearts
They think that I'm a star
One of 'em says 'Oh baby'
And the rest of them say 'Baa'
You can depend on a four-legged friend
And when I go out bonking
I dress that sheep in a gingham gown
And take her honky-tonkin'

Two to the left
Two to the right
Hooves together
And dosey-doe

I needn't buy no new fur coat
'Cos she's got one that's curly
Just a jug or two of Mountain Dew
And turnips for my girly

I've stuffed my tool in a Georgia mule
But I give them cows a miss
'Cos you feel such a cunt runnin' round to the front
When you want to give 'em a kiss

But I've been in Alberta, I've been chasin' beaver Had a pokey in Mistokey with a three-legged golden retriever
I've been through Mississippi and her husbands after meeeeee
But halfway up Virginia is where I wanna be
Yea, halfway up Virginia is where I wanna be
Had a bunk up with a skunk up
Where the blue grass blooms
Had a good f*ck from a woodchuck
And polecats and racoons

A hound-dog and a groundhog
A possum up a tree
And everything that bleats and barks and can't run faster than me
Yahoo!

They're playin' my tune!

Now down the creek lives Lulu Belle
She's a virgin and I believe her
But if she ain't good enough for her own kinfolk
She ain't good enough for me neither!

I've had all critters great and small
In the hills of Tennessee
And every last one is female
'Cos there ain't nothing strange about me!

And I've yodeled down the canyon on both sides of Caroline
And I'll grow very handsome if her brother doesn't mind
I've messed around in buffalo from sea to shining sea
But halfway up Virginia is where I wanna be
Yea, halfway up Virginia is where I wanna be
Yea, halfway up Virginia is where I wanna be
Yodelleeeo
Yodelleeeo
Yodelleeee