Voltaire The Straight Razor Cabaret Lyrics

In a café On the Champs-Élysées I saw a girl the other day I was beguiled 'Til I saw her smile It was a gash across her face Not long ago, she found that she was alone So she wandered into the vaudeville show She should've known it'd be bad, She saw the name that it had: The Straight Razor Cabaret

The first act was a stripper And the host looked like Jack the Ripper But the audience was dreary So she slashed them smiles from ear to eerie He used a straight razor, 'Cause he's a face-raper And there's nothing he hates more Than a stick in the mud And if he tells a joke, You better laugh 'til you choke At the Straight Razor Cabaret When I went down to Camden Town I saw a man riding the Bible I won't in haste describe his face For I might be sued for libel Not long ago, he found that he was alone So he wandered into the vaudeville show He should've known he'd be maimed When he discovered the name: The Straight Razor Cabaret
While a strumpet stroked a donkey The host juggled five dead monkies But the audience was snobs So he took a knife right to their gobs He used a straight razor, 'Cause he's a face-raper And there's nothing he hates more Than a stick in the mud And if he does a trick You better laugh until you're sick At the Straight Razor Cabaret They call him straight-razor, 'Cause he's a face-raper And there's nothing he hates more Than a stick in the mud And if he pulls a gaffe You better bloody effing laugh At the Straight Razor Cabaret At the Straight Razor Cabaret At the Straight Razor Caba...

Everybody! At the Straight Razor Cabaret!