Tim Minchin If This Plane Goes Down Lyrics

Could I be more of a cliché?
Thirty thousand feet above Nebraska
Scratching lyrics on a napkin
Praying that this turbulence will spare my wine

The plane is mostly empty
But for three hundred and twenty other humans
All staking their existence on a couple of dozen rivets
Straining between fuselage and wing
A truth we're only coping with with drinking

If this plane goes down
I hope that I'm one of the cool ones
Will I have the nerve to play the clown
If this plane goes down?

If this plane goes down
Remember me as someone who tried
To find a balance between self-loathing and pride
Dug too hard for love at times

So if it ends in flames and fuel
Please tell the kids I kept my cool
If my time is up and this plane goes down

If this plane goes down
As we hit the ground, I wanna be smiling
Happily Hades bound
As this plane goes down
If this plane goes down
Remember me as someone who cared
Often, but not always, about his hair
Self-righteous when shit wasn't fair

So if it ends in fire and glass
Please tell the kids I went down classy If my time is up and this plane goes down

I've no regrets as such
It's just a shame, I've so much still to do
If my youth was wasted on me, that's okay
Because I wasted it with you, my love
And from up above this planet looking down
The world reduced to green and browns
Toy trains in paper mache towns
And just for now the trials of human kind
Reduced by alcohol and wine
I really think that I'll be fine
If my time was up and this plane goes down

If this plane goes down
I hope that I can get people smiling
Will I have the nerve to tool around
If this plane goes down?
If this plane goes down
Remember me as someone who went down with
Fair results, but bold intent
Found his meaning in how phrases can be bent
To the will; where will my remains be sent
To be eventually dentally identified?

So if it ends in floods of tears
Please tell my kids I felt no fears
Tell them that the smoke will clear
Tell them I didn't spill a drop of beer
When my time is up and this plane goes down
When my time is up and this plane goes down