IVOR BIGGUN


Two Thirds Of Four Fifths Lyrics

A mathematician from Scunthorpe
Discovered the weight of his ball
Plus his scr*tum times three
Was approximately
Two thirds of four fifths of f*ck all

A nineteen year old nymphomaniac
Wore a bog-paper dress to a ball
But it started tearing
She ended up wearing
Two thirds of four fifths of f*ck all

With premature ej*culation
It seems my endurance is small
From the time of inserting
To the moment of squirting
Two thirds of four fifths of f*ck all

I was seized with a stiff constipation
I crouched in a lavatory stall
I thundered and pumped
But finally dumped
Two thirds of four fifths of f*ck all

It's a big c*ck, a big c*ck
A big c*ck and bull story
Here comes the interesting bit
The parts that are true
Near enough add up to
Just about half the square root of jack sh*t

My p*nis is small like an acorn
Sometimes I can't find it at all
It's infinitesimal
Or expressed in decimal
Point five of point three of f*ck all

An ancient Egyptian urinal
Has the meaning of life on the wall
In plain simple words
It's written in t*rds
Two thirds of four fifths of f*ck all

Now that is the end of my chanson
And if for an encore you call
Well b*llocks you tw*t
The chances of that are
Two thirds of four fifths of f*ck all

"'Ere Mr. Recording Engineer, what's the chances of
this song becoming a number one hit?"
"About two thirds of four fifths of practically
nothing"

Unused verse, deservedly cut from the released version
There's a harlot with p*x, clap and h*rpes
You can smell her from here to Bengal
She's got syph and colitis
And that's why her price is
Two thirds of four fifths of f*ck all

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Record Label(s): 2005 Stiff Weapon
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