A Man Walks Into A Bar Lyrics

Here I am sat in a Bar and a Man walks in.

A man walks into a bar in Kemp Town and says
"I f*ckin' hate queers
I tell you what
If one came near
I'd smash a glass in his f*ckin' face.
I'd mess him up good
Bits of ponce all over the place"

I'm ENGLISH and I'm Hard.

The barman looks confused but addresses the man all the same

"You're a man of extreme views
So I'm a little perplexed
Why you have chose to booze
In a rub-a-dub-dub
In the hub of a town where
The men, they hold hands in two's"

The man looked irritated and leant forward.

"I'm an Englishman
And I go where I damn well please
No shirt lifter will dictate
Where I can buy a beer
I bet you're one of them, aint you?
If I catch you looking at my arse
Then I'll f*ck you up too!"

The barman handed him his beer

"I'm not gay
& if you kicked off in here
Then I wouldn't stand in your way.
You're obviously a bloke
Who wouldn't bat a eyelid
If you were to choke
Someone who stood in your path."
Would you?

The man took a large gulp of his drink.

"Too right, I'm a hard f*cker me
Nobody messes with a geezer who confesses
To regularly filling up " AnE ".
It's not right all these f*cking perverts, towel heads & immigrants
Polluting my fair Eng-ger-land.
The Germans had it spot on.
With the extermination camps and the gassing.
Our race needs cleansing.
The asylum seekers send em f*cking packing"
"Cos they are all a bunch of paki cunts
I f*cking hate the runts
I want to step on their face 'n' kick their bitches in their cunts
Cos I'm f*ckin' 'ard I'm from England. You'd better look at me BARMAN.
Cos I'm a f*cking CUNT. You can see it in my Smile.
Oh, by the way. I'm a football supporter too.
I love United for a fight.
YEAH.! Kicking Pakis' keeps me up all f*cking night.
I f*cking loves it. You can see the tat on my arm,
Hitler had it on his uniform.


"Don't be scared of me, your the BARMAN.!
You feed me booze."

The barman was careful not to look the man square in the eye when he said

"You're not going to understand
A single word I say
As far as you're concerned
Je parle au francais
Years of influence from the right wing views
Inherited ignorance & the tabloid news
Has turned you into the man
I see before me
You're a victim because you blame others
For misfortunes in life
Anybody different will do
All potential targets for your butterfly knife.
The crime of nonconformity
Shall be punished via you
You mete out your justice
Enforced by fists & boots
When you reach the end
You will look back at what you have achieved
A trail of blood & fear
You're tortured soul will be unable rest
You'll be confined to your spirit prison
An eternity of hell
Your guilt, you're soul, company.
You will have failed the test"

The man gulps the last of his pint and says

"What the f*ck you are going on about?"

A man walks into a bar in Kemp town
Another man walks into the same bar
One man leaves with blood on his shirt
The other man is wheeled out and he is badly hurt
Another pub, another night
Framed by sirens & blue flashing light.

They f*cking deserve it, the f*cking Queers,
The f*cking Pakis the f*ckING NIGGERS,
They all f*cking need it.
Cos I'm an Englishman, and I have my fun.
I watch the football, and I drink lots of beer
Then I go out into the street and I kick a f*cking queer.
They bleed real good, when I step on their face.
My BOOT cracks in their face.
It's a f*cking disgrace...
Their teeth are in the sole of my boot.
How DARE those f*cking queers destroy my boot.
I'm a f*cking NAZI man, an' I love it.
I'm always f*cking right.
The aryan race is for me.
I'm a football supporter 'n' I love united.
I like to beat the f*cking people up.
Cos I thinks I'm really 'ard.
My mates all love it, on a Saturday Night.


A man walks into a bar in Kemp Town
Another man walks into the same bar
One man leaves with blood on his shirt
The other man is wheeled out and he is badly hurt
Another pub, another night
Framed by sirens & blue flashing light.

This is dispatch, we have a person. he is on his death bed.
Yeah, we hope he is going to make it. He's received a stab wound
To his chest, also his face is a bit of a mess.
I think we are going to need the Helicopter on this one.

Mate... Are you alright.?
You gonna pull through.?

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Songwriter(s): Darren Hamer, Allan Whalley, Louise Watts, Duncan Bruce, Judith Abbott, Nigel Hunter, Neil Ferguson, Alice Nutter

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