Dane Cook Motorcycle Helmet Lyrics

Paroles de la chanson Motorcycle Helmet :
I'm nice, that's the thing with me, I'm nice
Girls always say they want a nice guy
"I want a nice guy, that's what I want, I just want a nice guy."
It's not f*ckin true
They say they want a nice guy, not true
They want a bad boy. They want a bad boy, and you know it!
To you, they'll say, "I just want a nice guy, I just want a nice guy. I just want a guy that looks at me at the end of a long day and just says 'Hey we'll get through this' and then we hold hands and do spins. Ahaha. We just do spins and we fall and laugh. Haha..We'll get through this, we'll ge through this!"
That's not what you want
Once the girls get around one another, you know what they're like?
"I want a f*ckin bad boy. I want him to be so bad that he wears a mask and he stands on the rooftops of buildings overlooking the city."
I said to my friend, I go, "What is it, What, What will make me more of a bad boy?"
He looked right at me, he goes, "Dude, it's simple. You know what you need? You need a motorcycle."
See?
"Dude, chicks love a motorcycle"
"That's it? That's what I should get to make me a badass?"
He goes, "Yes"
"Uh, what if I fall?"
Goddamnit that would hurt
To just be scraping on gravel and have a hot bike on my..
Cuz you know, I like to wear short shorts when I ride
So it's, those hot pipes and I'll probably land in front of a bunch of women who have to pick the bike up
"Please, get it off me!"
No, so I'll tell you what I did
I didn't get a motorcycle, I didn't need to get the motorcycle
What I did, is working equally as well, if not better, I didn't get the f*ckin motorcycle, uh uh
I just got the helmet
That's all you need
You don't need the bike
Sometimes I take my helmet, I go into a bar, I walk in with my helmet I do things like this, "Woo! Woo, wow. Good day to ride with my helmet on!"
I did it recently, I took off my helmet and I went up to the bar
And all the sudden, this girl, she turns, and then she notices the helmet
And it's like my helmet is my wingman. It's on
She turns towards me, she's like, "Oh, do you ride?"
And I was like this, I go, "Yeah, yeah, I f*ckin ride. I ride. That's uh, my helmet. It goes on my head. Then I go on the hog. And uh, then I hit that little puppy right there. That's called the uh, the vroom vroom stick. Vroom vroom stick action"
Now, she's really getting into me
Because of the helmet!
I had this one girl, she looks at me and goes, "So um, I love bikes. I really do. I really love 'em a lot. What kind of bike do you have?"
And I said, I go, "Uh, It's a chrystler. Chrystler Seabreeze. XXL Series. It's hog-tastic."
She picks up my helmet and she goes, "I wanna go for a ride on your bike right now. Take me somewhere, on your bike."
And now I'm like, oh f*ck!
f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck. Boom! DING! Got it
She starts taking me through the crowd
I finally take her hand, I'm like, "Okay, let's go. We're gonna go for a ride on my bike!"
I take her outside to the parking lot, I take her to an empty parking space, and I'm like, "Where the f*ck is my bike? NO! It was right f*ckin here! This is awf- uh, eh. Yes, that's my oil. I know my oil because I put cinnamon bits inside my oil..to identify. That's my cinnamon oil. SHIT!"
You know what I should've done?
I should've watched the news during the day to see if a house burned down
That way when she goes to give me a ride home, I could pull up in front and be like, "NOOOO! This is the worst day of my life! Please take me to your home and make love to me. It's all I have."