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C Is For Lettuce
Worm Quartet

WORM QUARTET


C Is For Lettuce Lyrics

I've listened to you bitch, I've listened to you whine But you couscous-eating yuppie jerks have gone too far this time Your kids are getting fatter and the outlook's rather bleak Despite you putting them on three fad diets every week So do you take the blame, and make a change at home? No dammit, you're American! You're born to bitch and moan! And just like every problem, your solution is the same: Your v-chipped cable-ready babysitter is to blame!

Cuz every single character in every single show Must be shaped and molded perfectly to help your children grow Cuz if they're not ideal role models and beacons for good health You might just have to be one yourself!

And who has time for that?

So with your pen of judgement, you turn on your TV Prepared to write down ev-e-ry indecency you see (There's) a googly-eyed Muppet with a coat of navy blue He grabs a plate of something...hey, that don't look like tofu! And with a ghastly "ahm nahm nahm" the cookies disappear And suddenly the reason for your offspring's size is clear This glut'nous monster's brainwashed them and driven them to gorge! Someone must stop this Toll-House-fueled sloth-inducing scourge!

Because you're far too busy, you can't teach your kids to see That reality is different from what's broadcast on TV So you know that they'll just emulate the things the puppets do And that might reflect badly on you! So now you're Screaming for the blood of the cookie monster Evil puppet demon of obesity Time to change the tune of his fearful ballad C is for "Lettuce," that's good enough for me

Well now you start to think, your kid may be depressed Even though each day he sees a different therapist So you go to his classroom, which is looking rather stark Cuz their funds were voted down last year to build a baseball park The teacher says he's failing English, history and math And suddenly it's clear what's led him down his darkening path You can't call it "Failing!" That's such a scathing word! We'll just call it "Success that's temporarily deferred!"

Cuz language can be powerful, to raise and to depress That's why we no longer have "Shell Shock" we have "Post-traumatic stress" And the only way to keep our precious darlings out of jail Is to make them think that they can never fail!

So now you're Screaming for the blood of the underpaid teacher After all your taxes pay her yearly 12 G You can't change the world, so just change what you call it F is for "Almost," that's good enough for me

No one understands just how brutal you have it You wake up each morning and have to fight traffic Then spend all day chained to your laptop and beeper Kiss some client's ass and then play some minesweeper Then hightail it over to your yoga lessons Then lattes, pilates, and therapy sessions Where you whine and ramble and dab your eyelids And complain that you never get time with your kids

You've bitched your yuppie heart out, and meddled with the best But your brooding fatass offspring keeps deferring his success So what the hell's the problem? It surely can't be you! It must be all the violence on his new PlayStation 2! Look at this atrocity! There's hoodlums, thugs, and skanks And chronic-tokin' gangstas running hookers down with tanks There's nudity and blood and guts and chainsaws cutting people And that's just in the new updated 3-D Tetris sequel!

And sure there's labels on the games that say that they're "mature" But now honestly, just who the hell reads labels anymore? Tell me wouldn't it be easier for parents 'cross the land If games that aren't for kids were all just banned?

Now you're Screaming for the blood of the game programmer Gaming should just be a children's industry Pixellated actors should be role models "M" is for "Censored," that's good enough for me

Screaming for a new place to point your finger Won't rest 'til the whole world is rated "PG" Don't stop to think what those letters really stand for "M" is for "Censored" "F" is for "Almost" "C" is for "Lettuce," that's good enough for me

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these lyrics are submitted by kaan
Record Label(s): 2007 FIDIM Interactive
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