TOBY TURNER


I Go To College For The Financial Aid Lyrics

I go to college...
But not for the education.
The government pays my tuition.
God bless this nation.

Heads turn when I walk in the room
'Cause I'm so classy, I sweat perfume.

Yeah, I'd prefer cologne, but... Whatever.

I wear so much ice
When I go for a walk
Once I fell in some lava,
It just turned into rock.

I got a lotta money,
I spend it at the store.
I purchase so frequent
My wallet gets sore.

Stretch it out.
Stretch it out next time.

I got so much dough
I buy shit I don't want,
Hell - even when I'm full,
I'll buy a croissant
With a combo meal
Make it super-sized,
'Cause my student loans is all subsidized.

Why not?

I go to college for the financial aid
Direct deposit's how I like to be paid
I got credit some cards, but I'm still pretty thrifty.
I pay that shit off,
My credit score's 850.

I go to college for the financial aid
I get so much money my bank's afraid,
And just when they think the cash flow has ended, no,
I get a scholarship for being left handed.

I get the Perkins loans, four grand a term,
You wanna borrow some money? Click yes to confirm?
Confirm? Are you kidding?
Click Click, DOUBLE CLICK!
Quick, put it in my pocket
Make my wallet get thick!

That's what I'm talkin' about.

But my conscience tells me,
When you pay loans back
That money comes out your pants.
Did you get any grants?
Did Vin Diesel break dance?

I got grants for GPA
And more for being Cherokee,
One for being Catholic,
Another one for heresy.

I got one for being French,
they paid me in Euros.
I got a pell grant so big
I'm being watched by the bureau.

I got one for being black,
'Twas a large amount.
Wait, he's not black...

I'm black where it counts.

I go to college for the financial aid
Direct deposit's how I like to be paid
I got some credit cards low APR,
Would you believe one swipe
Bought me this guitar?

I got to college for the financial aid
Like I said
That's all you need to know.

That's not all I bought -

One more swipe bought a round for the bar.
One more swipe bought a brand new car,
And one more swipe bought Myanmar...
That's a country.
One more swipe let me name a star.
I named a star...?
And I... I named it after you.

I go to college
But not for the education
The government pays my tuition (and then some)
God bless this nation~

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