Stephen Lynch History Lesson Lyrics

Stephen:I have to redo the vocals for Medieval Bush.
Friends: Why?
Stephen: Cause I said 1570's muff instead of 1470's muff and the medieval period ended at the beginning of the 16th century.
Friends: Wait! So how do you know this?
Stephen: Cause I used to be a teacher.
Friends: (laugh)You used to be a teacher?
Stephen: Yes
Friend: Professor?
Stephen: No, I taught elementary school and I got fired for I had an unorthodox way of teaching. In which I would bring my guitar in and sing the lessons to the kids.
Friend: Of course you did.
Stephen: Okay, okay let me find a lesson for you...Ben Franklin
"Ben Franklin went out one night,
tied a key to the end of a kite,
electricity struck so bright,
write it down muthaf*ckas"
Friends: You called the kids motherf*ckers?
Stephen: Some of them were motherf*ckers yes.
Friends: Science
Stephen: Um...
"Issac Newton sat under a tree,
an apple hit him in the head so he,
said holy shit thats gravity,
so write it down muthaf*ckas"
I have a million of theses.
Friends: Pilgrims
Stephen: Okay....hey....
"Pilgrims raced against the clock, lookin for a place to dock,
they said f*ck it here's Plymouth Rock,
write it down muthaf*ckas."
Friends: I don't like the fact that you are implying that the pilgrims were lazy.
Stephen: Im not implying anything.
Friend: Wright Brothers
Stephen: Uh....
" A dude named Orville Wright,
told his brother lets invinflight,
so Wilbur said "ight",
write it down muthaf*ckas"
Yes, he said "ight"
Friend: Wilbur said "ight"?
Stephen: In my story he did.
Friend: Wilbur was street in your story?
Stephen: Yes
Friend: Word
Stephen: See, you can't stump me
Friend: Slavery?
Stephen: Uh there is nothing funny about slavery...well...
"Abe Lincoln lead the nation,
freed slaves form the plantations,
inmansa-muthaf*cka-proclamation,
write it down anaem-ops."
Friend: Gandhi!
Stephen:Uh...I did not have one for him. Uh...hold on, hold on. Gandhi...Uh...alright.
(slowly) "Gandhi is what you said,
an Indian with a bald head,
he was a bit under fed,
write is down muthaf*ckas!"
Fried from that job!
Friend: Your a genius.