Simon Bookish En Bateau Lyrics

En bateau
On Board
A luxury yacht or a cruise liner
Out in the sun
Cheerful
With rails all around
Enclosing the deck
Walls so high
So the sea is not visible

The Captain comes out onto the deck
White beard, uniform
Faux-pirate 'Ah-ha, me hearties!'

Steps out from a flimsy pair of French windows

"There is no need for alarm, everyone must go inside urgently."

Everyone files in
We mill about
In a large, low ceiling-ed 'observation deck'
It seems to be made
From cardboard It might even be a film set
You demand to know what's going on
The Captain explains, for what seems like hours
With diagrams, flip-charts: a lecture with overhead projections

"We are about to perform a common nautical proceedure known as 'Pairs'"

"As we submerge a smaller vessel hitches a ride... piggy-back style"

As the explanation ends the windows begin to fill up with a bright blue liquid. You stand up in the middle of the crowded room and shout at the top of your voice...