Macc Lads Uncle Knobby Lyrics

My name is Uncle Knobby, I hang around primary schools
Underneath my raincoat, I'm always totally nude
I show my navel fluff collection to lots of fully-clothed
men
I get a full erection, and have to rush to the gents

Ooh! Uncle Knobby, can't we please go home?
Why do you hide in the bushes? What have you done with
our clothes?

I introduce my penis to hamsters, gerbils and mice
I like to read Fiesta, and peek at the reader's wives

Ooh! Uncle Knobby, where's our special treat? Why do you keep taking pictures and sniffing our bicycle
seats?

I grummidge in my portfolio, which is full of Tampax ads
I look up my own bottom with mirrors from ladies'
handbags

Ooh! Uncle Knobby, can't we please go home?
We've never seen any dildos, we don't want to wear
pantyhose
Ooh! Uncle Knobby, Why have you smeared us with cake?
We don't like standing in custard, and we don't want to
play with your snake.