Loudon Wainwright Iii I Wish I Was A Lesbian Lyrics

Ok, I’m riding around in this car with this woman I’m
close to a couple times a week.
I’m noticing she's looking out the window and noticing
other women. How
this one looks, isn't her hair lovely? What a nice
outfit.
I said "Babe, what is the deal!? You’re noticing
all these other chicks. Maybe... you’re a lesbian."
She looks at me and she says "I wish I was a lesbian."
Now, at that point, I wanted to say, "You mean you wish
you WERE a lesbian" because grammatically... But I let
it slide; I didn’t want to ruffle any feathers. But you
know, that sentence, that retort "I wish I was a
lesbian" kinda stuck in the old LaLo's mind. Kinda
gestated there for 7, 8 minutes... and this tune popped
out.

I wish I was a lesbian, and not a hetero.
I wouldn't have to mess with men and all their come and
go,
And all that awful facial hair and yucky machismo!
Oh, I wish I were a lesbian and not a hetero!

I wish I was a lesbian and that I wasn't straight.
I'd sleep with women only! Man, it would be great!
I can throw away my diaphragm, I wouldn't want to mate!
Oh, I wish I was a lesbian, and that I wasn't straight! Hey!

I wish I was a lesbian; I'd like to be a dyke.
I would hang with KD Lang, Mel Gibson, take a hike!
I think it would be nice to love someone who was alike.
Oh, I wish I was a lesbian; I'd like to be a dyke!

I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung.
It shouldn't have to matter how someone is hung.
Other things are more important- like how you use your
tongue! (blblblbbl!)
I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung!
Hey!

I dare Casey Kasem to play this.

I wish I was a lesbian, I know it's sad but true,
but maybe I would understand you guys and all you do
but if I was a lesbian, I wouldn't have to!!
Oh, I wish I was a lesbian I know it's sad but true.
Hey!

I wish I was a lesbian, and not a hetero.
I wouldn't have to mess with men and all their come and
go,
And all that awful facial hair and yucky machismo! (I
hate that damn machismo!)
I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero!
I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero!
I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero! (blblblblbllb)