John Valby Ballad Of Big Ass Lil And Yukon Pete Lyrics

Grab your glass and get your seat
and I'll tell you about
Big-Ass Lil and Yukon Pete

Now Lil was the village queen
the f*ckinest whore you'd ever seen
While some girls f*cked with grace and ease
Lil blew dick like the summer breeze
But when she f*cked, she f*cked for keeps
she piled her victims up in heaps

There was a rumor 'round that town
that no man could put Lil's ass down
But way up north where twin rivers meet
lived a one-balled half-breed name Yukon Pete

Pete was a dirty motherless soul
who f*cked bears, sheep and woodchuck holes
He got a whip for Big-Ass Lil
packed up his rubbers and came down the hill
He strode into town on size 32 feet
dragging sixteen yards of that red-hot meat

Well the scene was set at windy mill
by the brick shithouse high on the hill All the ladies came for a ringside seat
just to watch that half-breed sink his meat

Well they f*cked, and they f*cked
and they f*cked for hours
uprooting trees, shrubs and flowers
Lil did front flips, back flips, stunts
all unknown to most common cunts
But Pete caught on to every trick
and kept on pumping in more dick

Then Lil gave Pete a whorehouse squeeze
that brought that half-breed to his knees
But Pete came back with a Yukon grunt
that popped out her eyes and split her cunt

Well Lil rolled over, cut two farts and sighed
"Boys, I've been f*cked," cut one more and died
When they asked that half-breed of his amazing feat
He just said "Boys, I'm going back to the Yukon
and beat my meat"