J. Cole Once An Addict Lyrics

[Intro]
Right, right, right, right
Something's got a hold on me
Right, right, right, right
Sometimes I think pain is just a lack of understanding
If we could only understand it all, would we feel no pain?
God must feel no pain
Something's got a hold on me
Only joy
Does this mean even our suffering pleases him?

[Verse]
Lost in a cloud of marijuana
Young Carolina nigga, fish out of water
Step-daddy just had a daughter with another woman
Mama ain't recover yet
Callin' me at 12 at night
She drunk as f*ck and I'm upset
'Cause why she always using me for crutch?
Growin' up I used to always see her up
Late as sh*t, cigarette smoke and greatest hits from Marvin Gaye
She kill a whole bottle of some cheap chardonnay
I gotta leave this house 'cause part of me dies when I see her like this
Too young to deal with pain
I'd rather run the streets than see her kill herself
So 'Ville became my escape from a feelin' I hate
Mama cursing me out
Depression's such a villainous state
I used to stay out later on purpose
Subconsciously I was nervous that if I came home early then what would surface was her inner demons
And then I'd have to end up seein' my hero on ground zero
Tears flow while Al Green blow
Love and happiness
I wish that I could say the right words to cheer her up
I wish her son's love was enough I tell her, "Mama, go to sleep"
She tell me "Boy, hush. You better pray to God you never get your heart crushed"
I shake my head in frustration
Head to my room and I can still hear the tunes of my door shut
f*ck it though, a couple more months I'll be gone
Off to college and dorms
Foolin' myself, thinkin' problems are gone
But now it's 1 AM and my mama diallin' my phone
I know she intoxicated and soon this high that I'm on comes crashin' down
She lit, talkin' drunk sh*t, I'm pissed
But I'm still all ears like basset hounds
Thinkin' to myself, "Maybe my mama need help
Don't she got work it the morning?
Why she do this to herself?
Hate how she slurrin' her words
Soundin' so f*ckin' absurd
This ain't the woman I know
Why I just sit and observe?
Why don't I say how I feel?
When I do, she's defensive for real
Well maybe things get better with time, I heard it heals"
Little did I know how deep her sadness would go
Lookin' back, I wish I woulda did more instead of running

[Outro]
Something's got a hold on me
I can't let it go
Out of fear I won't be free
Something's got a hold on me
I can't let it go
Out of fear I won't be—
No!
Something's got a hold on me
I can't let it go
Right
Life can bring much pain
There are many ways to deal with this pain (right)
Choose wisely (right)