MAKING BABIES BY STEAM
You lovers of mirth, I pray pay attention
And listen to what I am about to relate,
Concerning a couple I overheard talking
As I was returning late home from a wake.
As I rode along sure I met an old woman
Who sat 'neath a gap just a-milkin' her cow.
She was jigging a tune they called 'Haste to the
Or some other ditty I can't tell you now,
She was jigging a tune called 'An Buachaillín Donn'
Or some other ditty I can't tell you now.
Then in looking around I espied a bold tinker
Who only by chance came a strollin' that way.
The weather being fine he sat down beside her,
"What news, honest man?" the old woman did say.
"Oh, it's no news at all, ma'am," replied the bold
"But the people will wish that he never had been,
It's that damnable rogue of a Daniel O'Connell,
He's now making children in Dublin by steam."
"Oh, children, aroo," replied the old woman.
"ainm an diabhal! [by the devil!], is he crazy at last?
Is there sign of a war or a sudden rebellion
Or what is the reason he wants them so fast?"
"Oh, it's not that at all, ma'am," replied the bold
"But the children of Ireland are getting so small,
It's O'Connels petition that the New Lord Lieutenant
To not let us make them the old way at all."
"By the pipe in me mouth" replied the old woman,
"And that's the great oath of me soul, for to say,
I'm only a woman but if I were nigh him,
I betcha me life that its little he'd say
For its very well known that the people of Ireland
We gave him our earnings, though needing it bad,
And now he is well recompensing them for it;
By taking what little diversion they had!"
"I am an old woman that's going on eighty,
Scarcely a hair on my head to be seen,
But if the villain provokes me I'll make better
Than ever he could produce with his steam!"
"Long life to your courage" replied the bold tinker
"Long may you live and have youth on your side.
For if all the young girls of Ireland were like you
O'Connell could throw his steam engine one side"
"I think all the girls in this country
Should start making children as fast as they can
So if ever Her Majesty asks for an army
We'll be able to send her as many as Dan"