Eric Schwartz Telltale Kitchen Lyrics

The banana’s lookin’ brown except for where I left that sticker
And the spice rack is empty ‘cept for cinnamon, salt and pepper
The tea in the jar is ten years old, Lemon Lint and Chamomold
And the coffeepot is stickin’ to the maker,
Which is stickin’ to the counter
Soup-can sentinels guard the pre-colonial cupboard
With hibernating honey, tins of tuna and cardboard crackers
And now the brand new honey with the angel face
Wants to come over and see my place
And chewin’ on a grape slash raisin I mull it over
But I know it would kill the deal
If she saw my Achilles’ heel

Telltale Kitchen
If you want her to stay you best keep her away
Telltale kitchen
Telltale kitchen
The microwave is broken
The smoke detector’s smokin’
Telltale kitchen

Over in the fridge the mustard, catsup, mayonnaise and butter
Have formed an uncanny resemblance to each other
And the prehistoric bagels in the bag in the back
Are hiding from the dairy on the death row rack
As the fish flavored iceberg spawns upstream in the freezer You would think that the sink wouldn’t stink
''cause it looks like it’s hardly been used
But who knows what grows in the disposal
After years of beers half drunk get dumped
And no-one’s fixin’ the water pump

Telltale Kitchen
If you want her to stay you best keep her away
Telltale Kitchen
Telltale Kitchen
If you are what you eat
I’m maggoty meat
Telltale Kitchen

The blender’s on a bender fermenting the remainder
Of a porridge of origin too ancient to remember
But mercifully the rubber cap is permanently stuck there
So the substrate self-perpetuates ad-nauseinfinitum
My ego is an ego sequestered in the freezer
Like an Eskimo they leggo for bein’ a grumpy geezer
And the trough-full of drosophila assaulting the falafel
Make the Amityville horde look like a hospital ward

Telltale kitchen
If you want her to stay you best keep her away
Telltale kitchen
Telltale kitchen
The garbage had grown
A bouquet of it's own
Telltale kitchen