They say to have her hair done, Liz flies all the way to France 
And Jackie's seen in a discoth'eque doin' a brand new dance 
And the White House social season should be glittering and gay 
But here in Topeka, the rain is a fallin' 
The faucet is a drippin' and the kids are a bawlin' 
One of 'em a-toddlin and one is a crawlin' 
And, one's on the way. 
I'm glad that Raquel Welch just signed a million dollar pact 
And Debbie's out in Vegas workin' up a brand new act 
While the TV's showin' Newlywed's, a real fun game to play 
But here in Topeka, the screen door's a bangin' 
The coffee's boilin' over and the worsh needs a hangin' 
One want a cookie and one wants a changin' 
And, one's on the way. 
Now what was I doin'? 
Jimmy get away from there 
Darn, there goes the phone 
Hello honey. What's that you say 
You're bringin' a few ole army buddies home 
You're callin' from a bar 
Get away from there 
No, not you honey, I was talking to the baby 
Wait a minute, honey, the door bell 
Honey, could you stop by the market and. 
Hello? 
Hello? 
Well I'll be. 
The girls in New York City, they all march for women's lib 
And better homes and garden shows, the modern way to live 
And the pill may change the world tomorrow, but meanwhile, today 
Here in Topeka, the flies are a buzzin' 
The dog is a barkin' and the floor needs a scrubbin' 
One needs a spankin' and one needs a huggin' 
Lord, one's on the way. 
Oh gee, I hope it ain't twins again...