I'm An Animal Trainer Lyrics

I'm an animal trainer,
A circus entertainer.
I've train animals by the score:
Lions, tigers, and wild boar.
I've made and lost a fortune in my wild career.
Some say the cause was women, and some say it was beer!
And then I went through bankruptcy and lost my whole menagerie
But I did not despair -- I got a bright idea.
While searching through my underwear a thought occurred to me:
I'm tired of training elephants, so why not train a flea?
Why should I hunt for animals and through the jungle roam
When there's local talent to be found right here at home?
I found one but I won't say where
And educated him with care
And taught him all the facts of life
And then he found himself a wife.
I give them board and lodgin's free
And every night they dine off me. They don't eat caviar or cake
But they enjoy a good rump steak
Off my anatomy,
Off my anatomy.
It is an odd sensation
When after meals they take a stroll around the old plantation!
Now, I'm as happy as can be.
I've bought them lots of tricks, you see.
And now they're both supporting me,
They're both supporting me!
Walk up! Walk up! I'm the greatest show on earth!
Walk up! Walk up! And get your money's worth!
See Phyllis and Henry, those educated fleas
Cavorting and sporting on the flying trapeze!
So any time you itch, don't scratch or make a fuss!
You never can tell, you might destroy some budding gen-i-us!
[alternate line:]
You never can tell, you might expel some budding gen-i-us!

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