If You Can't Fuck It Duct It Lyrics

You might be a loser,
You still need to get some sooner or later.
Your right hand isn't enough, need for something else
than lubricant and Vaseline.
All your socks are stiff as f**k. f**k it!
If you can't get laid, take a little time off
Travel to the countryside. Duct it!
It won't squeal on you in the same way the ladies do,
and it won't laugh at you.
Look at the selection, you can have it all here
Every size of pussy, no matter how depraved.
Go ahead and pick one. They all have their advantages.
Some of them stink, but others smell great!
f**k it! Come on, get your dick wet.
Don't be a f**king pansy, you'll never get a pussy.
Duct it! If you can't get close, tape it to the
f**k it with your eyes closed
Goats and sheep and pigs, cows, even chicken.
Tape them down and f**k them like a beautiful woman.
Can't get pussy, don't get sad and let your head down,
Ask a farmer, he'll let you in the f**king barnyard.
Do what you will any day.
Every day a wonderland that says "come back with your
next pay".
Whoever would've thought that furry little creatures
don't just serve for meat and milk?
Never would have guessed what good times are to be had
with a cow and lubricant.
f**k it! No one needs to know this. It can be your
secret, you know it's better kept that way.
Duct it! You think you're better than a rapist? The
only difference is the diseases you'll catch!
I think I'll spell it out:
f**k it! Your f**king cock starts itching.
Duct it! Wait 'till you take a leak.
f**k it! You better count those sheep now.
Duct it! The spanked monkey just bit back.
f**k it! This shit won't kill me, at least I get pussy!
It's been a while.
Duct it! If you wanna f**k it, gotta bring that duct
tape every time!

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