Tom Waits Intro To Better Off Without A Wife Lyrics

For all the bachelors out there tonight, yeah for anybody who's never whistled this song
Maybe you whistled it but you lost the sheet music
Um...this is um...well actually I don't mind going to weddings or anything
As long as there not my own I show up
But I've always kinda been partial to calling myself up on the phone and asking myself out, you know?
Oh yeah, you call yourself up too huh? Yeah, well one thing about it, your always around
Yeah I know, yeah you ask yourself out, you know, some class joint somewhere
The Buretto King or something, you know. Well I ain't cheap you know
Take yourself out for a couple of drinks maybe
Then there'd be some provocative conversation on the way home
Park in front of the house you know
Oh yeah, you smoothly put a little nice music on
Maybe you put on like uh, you know, like shopping music Something thats not too interruptive you know and then uh slide over real nice and say
'Oh I think you have something in your eye'
Well maybe it's not that romantic with you but Christ I don't know, you know I get into it you know
Take myself up to the porch, take myself inside or maybe uh
Or may get a little something, a brandy snifter or something
'Would like you like to listen to some of my back records?
I got something here' Uh Well usually about 2.30 in the morning you've ended up taking advantage of yourself
There ain't no way around that you know. Yeah, making a scene with a magazine, there ain't no way around
I'll confess you know, I'm no different you know. I'm not weird about it or anything, I don't tie myself up first
I just kinda spend a little time with myself
So this is kind of a little anthem here