Tom Green Hey Masturbator Lyrics

OH OH OH! (squishy sound)
Sitting in my house
And I know that I'm alone,
Feeling kind'a horny
Got a tingle in my bone
Go and grab a Penthouse
It's the one with Sharon Stone,
HEY MASTURBATOR!

I go a little faster
When it's feeling kind'a nice
Once ain't enough so I have to do it twice
If you wanna spank the monkey
I can give you good advice
HEY MASTURBATOR!

*Woman moans*

I use some baby oil
Or a little vaseline
Laying down a towel
So I keep my carpet clean
Never shake my hand
Cuz' you don't know where it's been

HEY MASTURBATOR!

I do it in my car
While I'm driving down the street One hand on the wheel
And the other on my meat
I can't get out the car
Cuz I'm sticking to the seat

HEY MASTURBATOR!

*Tom Green, a goat and the woman moan*

Since I was a kid
I have been a masturbator
Choke the chicken
Hold the knob
Squeezing the tomato
I flip to miss November
Now I'm gonna decorate 'er

HEY MASTURBATOR!

Buffing the banana
Drain the lizard
Shake and bake'em
Pounding on the flounder
And it's mayonnaise I'm makin'
Spank the frank
Wax the carrot
God my hand it's aching

HEY MASTURBATOR!

*everyone moans*
HEY MASTURBATOR!