Be courteous, kind, and forgiving 
Be gentle and peaceful each day 
Be warm and human and grateful 
And have a good thing to say 
Be thoughtful and trustful and childlike 
Be witty and happy and wise 
Be honest and love all your neighbors 
Be obsequious, purple and clairvoyant 
Be sure to stop at stop signs 
And drive fifty-five miles an hour 
Pick up hitchhikers foaming at the mouth 
And when you get home get a master's degree in geology 
Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus 
Be dull and boring and omnipresent 
Criticize things you don't know about 
Be oblong and have your knees removed 
(Ladies only) Never make love to Bigfoot 
(Men only) Hello, my name is Bigfoot 
(Everyone) Put a live chicken in your underwear 
Go into a closet and suck eggs