MAX BOYCE


The Incredible Plan Lyrics

There's a story told in the valleys
And I'll tell it as best as I can
The story of one William McGonegal Morgan
And of his incredible plan.

It all started off on a cold winter's night
A night that was strangely, so still
When the rugby club's general commitee
Banned 'Sine-Die' their ticket sec... Will.

He was in the wrong, we knew all along
There was no point in petitions and pickets
He was caught with this woman at the back of the stands
With the club's allocation of tickets

What made it worse... she wasn't the first
He'd been caught with Ben Water's wife, Ethel
We all knew her with her fox and her fur
She wore it on Sundays to Bethel.

Will was sine-died, he broke down and cried
I've never seen a man in such sorrow
'Cos like Judas of old, he'd sold more than gold
With a Scotland and Wales game tomorrow.

Then he had this idea... he'd go in disguise
He had it all drawn up and planned
And he went to the game, to his family's shame
As one of the St. Alban's Band.

Back in the village, they all got to know
'Make one for me, will you?' they'd say
They'd ask, 'Any chance, for one against France?'
And fair play, like... what could he say?

But the man's very able, I think he's in 'Table'
(Roundtable?)
He was working all hours, fair play!
He gave of his best, he was down to his vest
Making about fifty a day.

But Will's getting on and his best days are gone
'Well, my lad... I'm sad.' he'd say
'Will, you're on the floor... you can't do no more'
And he'd say, 'Where there's a Will there's a way!'

So he put an ad. in 'The Guardian'
To employ a few men starting Monday
And he started some men, I think about ten
Three shifts and some working Sunday.

They made about three or four hundred
When the night shift was sent 'two 'til ten'
The jigs were all changed and the tools rearranged
And they started on ambulance men.

Then they ran out of buttons and bandage
And policemen were next on the plans
While 'B' shift made refs. with dark glasses
Alsatians, white sticks and tin cans.

Then production was brought to a standstill
And the union could quite understand
When management tabled the motion
How things were a bit out of hand!

I'll never forget the day of the match
The likes of I'll ne'er see again
I can see them all, still... coming over the hill
Hundreds and thousands of men.

The refs. came in four double deckers
It was going exactly to plan
And the St. Albans Band came in lorries
And the police in a Griff Fender van!

I'll never forget the day of the match
The likes of I'll ne'er see again
When Queen Street was full of alsatians
And the pubs full of ambulance men.

It was then I saw Will for the first time
I was standing on the steps by 'The Grand'
He was in a camel-hair coat... dressed up as a goat
Marching in front of the band.

It was then that the accident happened!
The roads were all slippy and wet
He was struck by a man in a greengrocer's van
And they took him to Davies... the vet.

Now Davies the vet's a bit short sighted
He said, 'I'm afraid it's his heart...
But he wouldn't have lived longer, if he'd been
stronger
His eyes are too far apart.

The funeral was held on a Monday
The biggest I'd ever seen
The wreaths came in four double deckers
There was one from Prince Charles and The Queen.
(Sorry!... 'The Price of Wales' and 'The Queens')

There were sprays there from three thousand policemen
And one from the St. Albans Band
And the bearers were refs. with alsations
Dark glasses, white sticks and tin cans.

We sang at the graveside, the old funeral hymns
And we all went to comfort his son
What made him sad, he said, was his Dad
Had died, not knowing we'd won.

I couldn't sleep for most of that night
I kept thinking of what he had said
Dad had died... not knowing we'd won
So I dressed when I got out of bed.

And I walked again to that hillside
To that last resting place on the hill
It was all quiet, save... when I leaned over the grave
And I shouted, 'WE 'AMMERED THEM, WILL!'

And that story is told in the valleys
And I've told it as best as I can
The legend of William McGonegal Morgan
And of his Incredible Plan.

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