Koe Wetzel Talent Show Lyrics

[Spoken Word]

[Principal Carson]
Alright, alright, alright
Everybody give it up for Chester Atkins and his "death-defying poem-reading trick."
Um, okay, up next guys—hey, hey, excuse me! Excuse me! Silence PLEASE!

[Other]
Principal Carson has a small penis!

[Carson]
Hey! Tommy! Tommy! Hey!
Mrs. Baxter, come down here and get Tommy please; take him to my office
I'll see you in a second, Thomas, you hear me?

[Tommy]
Yeah, yeah!

[Carson] Up next we have a band that is steeped in old-timey rock-n-roll
They also wanted me to tell ya
That if you like what you hear
You can purchase their album behind the stands of the football fields today
As soon as school lets out, alright?
Okay, everybody give it up for Koe Wetzel, yeah!

[Crowd jeers/boos]

[Wetzel]
*Clears throat*
Um, hello, um
We are—or I am—we [?] called
Koe Wetzel!

[Other]
Nobody gives a f*ck!