Jerry Seinfeld Intro - Phones Lyrics

Ladies and gentlemen... Jerry Seinfeld.

Okay ! Good night, good night everybody !

Well well well... I can't believe you made it.

I don't even know how you got tickets.

(man from the audience): Broker !

"Broker !" Not a very good one, I see. My guy got me
right on stage.

This is the Broadhurst Theater. It's a... legendary
theater, I know... nothing about it. I picked it
because... (phone rings in the audience) Oh, let me get
that, let me get that. That's for me, I asked them to
hold my phone.

That is so embarrassing, isn't it ? I'm surprised it
doesn't happen more often though, because it's hard to (whispering) "oh wait, put it on the vibrate only".

Oh the phones, what we have got nuts with the phones,
haven't we ? We're crazy with the phones ! This guy
thinks he needs that phone !

The thing that amuses me the most about the phone
machine is how often we call people now, trying to get
the machine. That's what's happened now with the
machine. If it's the person that picks up, then
you're... "oh !... I... oh I didn't... I didn't think
you would be there... I... I just wanted to leave a
message saying "Sorry I missed you" ".