Nobody Beats My Bob Lyrics

My girlfriends all claimed to have 'em
Six or seven times a night
I never felt a spasm
Maybe I wasn't doing it right

Kama Sutra was fruitless with Brian and Bill
It gave me no thrill, no throb
I tried yoga and vodka, Gina and Jill
I remained unfulfilled till I found Bob

He's my battery operated boyfriend
Nobody beats my Bob
He's my randy rubber Romeo, my favorite toy-friend
Oy friend, he does the job

He's a lovin' machine, my right hand man
An alkaline adonis, climax in a can
Talk about safe sex - my lover is latex
Nobody beats my Bob

He's gentle and affectionate and easy to conceal
Nobody beats my Bob
How many others lovers earn the Good Housekeeping seal?
Keep your beer guzzling slob Does Bob cure insomnia, does Bob relieve stress?
I'd have to say yes
You should hear him hum
On maximum
Nobody beats my Bob

I sing the body electric
As my limbs begin to flail
I shake like an epileptic
Breaking the Richter scale

He's a regular rocket that fits in my pocket
Nobody beats my Bob
When I get an itch it's a flick of the switch
A simple turn of the knob

Who'd thought a small appliance
Could be noble in its use?
It increases self reliance
Self esteem through self abuse

If you need a quick fix
Bob's at your cervix
He's the one for the job
Oh my God

No one competes
No one defeats
Nobody beats my Bob
Nobody beats my Bob

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