Epic Rap Battles Of History Abe Lincoln Vs Chuck Norris Lyrics

[Intro]
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
ABE LINCOLN
VS
CHUCK NORRIS
BE-

[Verse 1: Abraham Lincoln]
Four score and sixty-five years in the past
I won the Civil War with my beard, now I'm here to whup your ass
I've read up on your facts, you cure cancer with your tears?
Well, tell me, Chuck, how come you never sat down and cried on your career?
You're a washed up has-been on TV, selling Total Gyms
And you're gonna lose this battle like you lost Return of the Dragon
I'll rip your chest hairs out, put them in my mouth, I'll squash you like I squashed the South
I never told a lie and I won't start now; you're a horse with a limp, I'll put you down

[Verse 2: Chuck Norris]
This isn't Gettysburg, punk, I'd suggest retreating
For I invented rap music when my heart started beating
Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose
My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth [Verse 3: Abraham Lincoln]
I've got my face on the side of a mountain, you voted for John McCain
I've got a bucket full of my head and I'm about to make it rain
You block bullets with your beard? I catch them with my skull
I'd make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger, but I've never ever seen that show

[Verse 4: Chuck Norris]
I am Chuck f*cking Norris! I've spread more blood and gore
Than forty score of your puny Civil Wars, bitch
I split the Union with a roundhouse kick
I wear a black belt on the beard that I grow on my dick
I attack sharks when I smell them bleed
I don't go swimming, water just wants to be around me
My fists make the speed of light wish that it was faster
You may have freed the slaves, but Chuck is everyone's master

[Outro]
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!