COUNTY MEDICAL EXAMINERS


Cooperative Cadaveric Custody Lyrics

I gingerly handle the dead
To ensure a bruiseless corpse
I observe all methods of postmortem care
And standards as a matter of course
Most decedents are viewed open casket
So it behooves the pathologist to know
The techniques to use when handling deceased
So autopsy markings don't show

We charily follow the necropsy schedule
And behave as cautious prosectors
Corpses leave the morgue's custody
And enter the domain of the Funeral Director

All sutured incisions should be sharp and clean
And under burial attire, must remain unseen
When positioning the carcass on its anterior side
Prevent facial bruising, so difficult to hide

During cranial examination, reflect the scalp past the
hairline at your own risk
You might leave creases in the forehead that the
embalmer can't efface
Upon removal of the brain, before the notched calvarium
is replaced
Fill the cavity with absorbent material to hold the
cranial shape

Remove the testes
Through the inguinal canal
Because posterior perforations
Allow embalming fluid out

Pathology becomes an art
When dead are opened with nominal marks
Embalmers welcome my proficiency
And morticians value my scrutiny

Carotid neck organs left intact
Iliac arteries promptly ligatured
The stiff is deftly rendered leak proof
With a Y-incision running suture

Organs are restored to the body in a plastic bag
The breastplate returned to reduce chest sag
Rinsing the corpse with cold water, we purify
Then allow the body to drip clean and air dry

Refrigerated to stave off the ravaging putrefactive
progressive skin changes
Dusky hands rest on abdomens as tied gauze strips cinch
slack arms into place
The hearse-delivered corpse is signed over to local
funeral director representatives
Where, at the parlor, they'll lay the rotting head on a
perfumed casket pillowcase

Remove the rectum
Far from the anus
Lest embalming fluid leak
From a rectal stump unligated

Funeral home assistants haunt hospital basement alleys
For sundered anatomized cadaveric deliveries
Piled into hearses, to the chagrin of watching nurses,
The enshrouded carcass reeks most unsavorily

Carcass sealed expertly
Undue holes mitigated
Stench increasingly redolent
As fluids are aspirated

Beyond the toe-tagged feet
Beneath the blood drenched sheets
Inside the cavities sewn
The morgue's marriage with the funeral home

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