Beards The Beard Lyrics

They called him the beard
And he walked here and there
They called him the beard
Because of his facial hair
And when he walked through the town
All the people would cheer
They’d say “Look at that guy
He’s got a really good beard”

They called him the beard
And he’d give to the poor
Protector of the innocent
Upholding the law
The women would blow kisses
The beardless men would frown
But his name was the beard
And he ruled the town

But the beardless men gathered, said “enough is enough
He's got such a good beard; all we grow is bum-fluff
He's taking our women, putting us all to shame”
So a plot was then hatched, The Beard would be framed
He was found and arrested, and sent to stand trial The jury was rigged, he was sentenced to die
The beardless they gathered and led him away
To hang at noon that day

The Beard stood at the gallows,
A noose round his throat,
But a bullet was fired,
It severed the rope,
And then hundreds of men,
Suddenly appeared,
Riding on horseback
With thick healthy beards...

Then The Beard and his brothers,
They ransacked the town
They slaughtered the locals,
Then burnt the place down,
So if there's a lesson,
In this to be learned,
It's don't mess with the bearded,
Unless you want to get burned
By a man they called
The Beard