Dad's Best Friend Lyrics

Bootcut Jeans, salmon shirt,
I have a skin routine and my elbows hurt.
I don't give blood... because I won't give blood.

Bought a tarantula from a Swedish guy
He helped me out in Stockholm with a DUI
And I stalk Ian Brown when he comes to town

I stole cocaine off my nephews friend
I did it with the fellas at the A.G.M.
And Eleanor from A&R refused me again,
so I did that thing at the Holiday Inn

My wife sells cheese on the Internet -
I think about her sister when we're intimate.
Her family and friends, they don't like me anymore,
cause I threatened all her brothers with an antique sword

I'm your dad's best friend, your dad's best friend
We're taking him to Holland for the long weekend
He never had a stag, he never had a stag,
We're taking him to Amsterdam and making him a man

Your dad's best friend, your dad's best friend, We're doing ketamine up in the Netherlands.
He never had a stag, he never had a stag,
I'm taking him to Amsterdam and buying him a bag.

I watch gay porn in my garden shed
I lie to everybody that my father's dead,
I smell like Joop... my son has croup.
Picking up the hooker that I like the best,
Crying on her toilet cause my life's a mess
I'm sleeping in the office cause my wife's depressed
I'm heating streaky bacon in a trouser press

I am your dad's best friend, your dad's best friend
I'm taking him to Holland for the long weekend
He never had a stag, he never had a stag,
I'm taking him to Amsterdam and making him a man

Your dad's best friend, your dad's best friend,
We're doing ketamine up in the Netherlands.
And maybe when you've children of your own
You'll be praying for a best friend just like me.

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