ARTHUR: Halt! Hallo! Hallo!
GUARD: 'Allo! Who is zis?
ARTHUR: It is King Arthur, and these are the Knights of
Table. Who's castle is this?
GUARD: This is the castle of my master, Guido Wommer!
ARTHUR: Go and tell your master that we have been
charged by God
with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and
the night he can join us in our quest for the Holy
GUARD: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be
keen... Uh, he's already got one, you see?
GALAHAD: He says they've already got one!
ARTHUR: Are you sure he's got one?
GUARD: Oh, yes, it's very nice-a (I told him we already
ARTHUR: Well, um, can we come up and have a look?
GUARD: Of course not! You are English types-a!
ARTHUR: Well, what are you then?
GUARD: I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous
you silly king!
GALAHAD: What are you doing in England?
GUARD: Mind your own business!
ARTHUR: If you will not show us the Grail, we shall
castle by force!
GUARD: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and
bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you,
so-called Arthur-king, you and all your silly English
GALAHAD: What a strange person.
ARTHUR: Now look here, my good man!
GUARD: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty
animal food trough water! I fart in your general
mother was a hamster and your father smelt of
GALAHAD: Is there someone else up there we could talk
GUARD: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second
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