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Maybe some day I’ll decide to stop thinking Get a job and achieve the approval of my neighbors Buy myself a beemer and a condo out in Vail Send my boys off to college if I can keep them out of jail Maybe then I’ll winter down Florida Make myself a melanoma yarmulke, take lots of short walks Eat prunes fear salt wear plaid drive slow And take herbal tea with my early bird special Pray that my memory lasts as long as me And sit around the sauna counting varicose vessels
CHORUS Don’t ask me what I’m doing Don’t ask me why I’m doing it I’ll do what I wanna do (x4)
Maybe some day I should learn about god, Buy the book rent the flick hell anything tell me why The first thing they did was put an izmeil* to my dick Snippy snip mazel tov hey really makes me want to pray Build me an ashram up in Waltham, Decorate a warehouse and meditate on toe-jam Dow Zen Krishna Buddha anything at all to help me Ease the woulda coulda shoulda blues Pardon my expression but it’s kinda hard not to laugh At anybody wearing those shoes
CHORUS
Maybe someday I could find myself a girl With a really long fuse and a forgiving sense of humor She wouldn’t have to clean unless She couldn’t stand the normal mess That piles up around me inexplicably Find ourselves a preacher rent ourselves a hall Tie the knot go home put the pre-nup on the wall Get down to the task of putting up with each other ‘Til the war becomes worse than the prospect of divorce If this interests anyone, see me when the show’s done With this caveat...I tend to sweat a lot
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