Stephen Lynch Best Friends Song Lyrics

Stephen: I wrote a song - Uh, Mark has been my best friend for many years now, and I wrote a song -
Mark: About one.
Stephen: That's a lot of - months (Years). I wrote a song to kind of celebrate what I think is our greatest asset as friends, and that's our complete and utter differences, we're total opposites when it comes to almost everything (Completely). So I wrote a song and we're going to sing it for you now.
Stephen: Gay. Not gay.
Stephen: Just one. One thing. One thing.
Mark: It's this shirt, isn't it?
Mark: Alright, I'm the gay one. Whatever.

Mark: I like my toast buttered
Stephen: …And I'll take mine dry.

Mark: I dig the Beatles.
Stephen: I'm a Stones kinda' guy.

Mark: I have fine taste.
Stephen: …And I like things cheap.

Mark: I wanna stay up all night.
Stephen: I just wanna sleep… with your sister.

Mark: …I'm sorry, what did you just say?
Stephen: …What?
Mark: No, you just said something about that you wanted - sleep with my - Mark: I like the sunshine
Stephen: …And I wanna nail your sister…

Mark: See, there you just said it again-
Mark: I like Julia Roberts movies.
Stephen: I just wanna f*ck the shit out of your sister!
…Well, Teich you would rule (What are you talking about?)
If you'd say "it's cool" (It's not cool!)
I'd go pick her up
at her junior high school. (Woah)
Yeah, your sister! (Wait, THAT sister?!)
Yeah-ah-ah-ah…!
I wanna f*ck your sister!
I wanna f*ck her in her f*cking face
and then f*cking come all over her f*cking hair. (You can't - No, hey!)
Well, I'd stick it in her eyeball… (Oh my god!)
and I'd move it around and then (You can't skullf*ck my sister!)
Mark: Wait, wait, HO. Wait a minute!
Stephen: What?
Mark: Woah, goddamnit.
Stephen: What?
Mark: You wanna f*ck my sister?
Stephen: Yes.
Mark: You wanna f*ck my sister?
Stephen: Yes.

Mark: …$26.50