The Spam Song Lyrics

Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear.
Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right.
Man (to Waitress): Morning!
Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag as a bit of a rat-bag):
Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and
bacon; egg and spam;
egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam
bacon sausage
and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam
sausage spam spam
bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings (starting to chant): Spam spam spam spam...
Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam
spam spam spam spam baked
beans spam spam spam...
Vikings (singing): Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a
mornay sauce served in a
Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines
garnished with
truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and
spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam,
that's not got much spam in
it.
Wife: I don't want ANY spam!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next
few lines)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage
without the spam then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You
can't have egg bacon
spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife (shrieks): I don't like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your
spam. I love it.
I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked
beans spam spam
spam and spam!
Vikings (singing): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam!
Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked
beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam...
(but it is too late and
the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings (singing elaborately): Spam spam spam spam.
Lovely spam! Wonderful
spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam.
Lovely spam!
Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Spam spam
spam spam!

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