Windsor's Cider Lyrics

Come listen, my friends, I've a true tale to tell
Of a night at the Windsor's when it all went to hell.
The ships had come in and the tavern ran out
Of Lambeck's and lagers and bitters and stout.

The patron it cried out "now what shall we drink?"
So we offered them whiskey with a flirtatious wink
We offered them gin, or at least what they'd say,
But they'd have none of that for it was cider they craved.

Oh we'll never, no never, no never again
If we live to be a hundred or a hundred and ten,
Never pour Windsor's Cider on a bet or a dare
For no matter your station your better beware.

We lasses were singing a good, bawdy tune
Suggestive enough to make younger men swoon.
And soon each one had her bodice unlaced
To keep up with working at a furious pace.

The juice of the apple was never so hard
We poured it by flagon, we poured it by yard
We filled every tankard, then filled them again
This unceasing workload near drove us insane.

Oh we'll never, no never, no never again
If we live to be a hundred or a hundred and ten,
Never pour Windsor's Cider on a bet or a dare
For no matter your station your better beware.

The cider was flowing and the night was still young
When a Scotsman up on to the bar top was flung.
We all stepped too close and with no sense of guilt
Had a really fine show of what's under his kilt.

The cavalry master stopped in for a drink
but he's not as well-schooled (?) as you ladies may think.
He's ridden more horses than queen's court can count But 'twas on that night that he learned how to mount.

Oh we'll never, no never, no never again
If we live to be a hundred or a hundred and ten,
Never pour Windsor's Cider on a bet or a dare
For no matter your station your better beware.

The bar it was filled with strong men of the sea
Who required more sustenance than treacle and tea.
With a month's worth of wages and one night on shore
They roared for more cider till like whores they were sore.

The monks in the corner they started to fight (huh!)
for who in their number owed what for the night.
The constable showed up to shut the place down
So the party moved out to the streets of the town.

Oh we'll never, no never, no never again
If we live to be a hundred or a hundred and ten,
Never pour Windsor's Cider on a bet or a dare
For no matter your station your better beware.

The shire awoke to the stomping of feet
And the queen's guard arose and they took to the street.
But no man in the army could shut the crowd up
Till good Bessie herself came and rounded us up.

Now happy Jack's Ale has a undrinkable fame
And Johnny Jumpup sent good men to the flames.
But the cider we served on that ill fated night
knocked the town to the ground and then set it up right.

Oh we'll never, no never, no never again
If we live to be a hundred or a hundred and ten,
Never pour Windsor's Cider on a bet or a dare
For no matter your station your better beware

For no matter your station your better beware (x2)

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