Matthew Sweet Behind The Smile Lyrics

I haven't been a good friend
for a long long time
you know I wasn't happy
behind the smile
anywhere you look
a reason to believe
but think of what it took
to bring me to my proper place
and I haven't been a good friend
for a long long time
I haven't been a good friend
while you've been mine
now am I by your side
or standing in your way
'cause if this is a sign
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/matthew-sweet-lyrics/behind-the-smile-lyrics.html ]
I don't know what it's s'posed to mean
and I haven't been a good friend
for a long long time
I haven't been a good friend
while you've been mine
I have seen my perfect day
I have watched it fade away
you know I'm fighting to be real
I haven't been a good friend
for a long long time
you know I wasn't happy
behind the smile