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Whether you are pro or anti Or could not care less We are here to tell you We are here to sell you chess Not a chance of you escaping from our wiles We've locked the doors, we've blocked the aisles We've a franchise worth exploiting And we will - yes we will! When it comes to merchandising We could kill
When you get up - When you get up in the morning Till you crash at night You will have to live your life With bishop, rook and knight Clean your teeth with chequered toothpaste Wear our vests Our kings and queens on bouncing breasts You could even buy a set And learn to play We don't mind we'll sell you something Anyway
We've done all our market research And our findings show That this game of chess could be around A month or so Maybe it's a bit confusing For a game But Rubik's Cubes were much the same In the end the whole world bought one All were gone By which time we merchandisers Had moved on
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