Mark: It's a good thing we get paid to do this. I could
be in L.A., getting reamed, listening to an Elton John
Howard: Don't even talk about getting reamed. Listen,
I've been without female companionship for so long, a
career as a Jesuit monk was inviting, Ian is starting
to look good to me
George: Must be his green velour socks!
Mark: Just calm down there, Duke. Ever since you left
the jazz world to seek fame and fortune in the
rock'n'roll industry . . .
Jeff: What do you mean rock'n'roll? This fucking band
doesn't even play rock'n'roll, it's all that comedy
Ian: If we play any rock'n'roll we might make some
money. I wouldn't mind playing some rock'n'roll, uh, I
like classical music too, but that doesn't mean I
wouln't enjoy playing rock'n'roll. I mean, it's not
very challenging, intelectually, but I wouldn't mind if
we did some rock'n'roll. We could vote on it
Jeff: Vote on it, for what? To tell Zappa we wanna play
some good music instead of this comedy shit . . . ?
Aynsley: I wouldn't mind playing some more rock'n'roll,
it'd be more commercial, sort of heavy, four parts
harmony, group vocals and a very heavy beat, that the
kids could enjoy it. I think we'd definitely make more
money that way
Ian: Maybe after we finish the movie we could play more
Mark: Yeah! We all quit and form other groups and play
Jeff: And more blues, extended blues, blues that's
still down and funky, even though you extended it.
George knows what I'm talking about, don't you, George?
George: Leave me out of it, I come from the jazz world.
I know all about these groups that get formed and
disappear, with their extensions waving in the
Mark: You just calm down there, Duke
Jeff: Maybe we could all form a group, we can elect a
leader . . . Howard . . . we can call it Howard Kaylan
Ian: We wouldn't have to have any leader
Jeff: We could just jam a lot
Aynsley: There was have to have a really heavy beat and
be really commercial so the kids could enjoy it
Howard: I want to get laid! I'm so horny I can't stand
Jeff: Listen, if you think for a minute that anybody
likes this comedy music we've been playing you're
crazy. That's why you don't get laid, who wants to fuck
a comedian! None of these girls can take you seriously
Mark: Hey, man, you should be careful talking about
that kind of stuff
Jeff: Why, does he listen?
Ian: He always listens, he's always watching and
listening to all the guys in the band. I've been in the
band for years and I know, he always listens, believe
Jeff: That's how he gets his material. He listens to us
being natural, friendly, humorous and good-natured,
then he rips us off, sneaks off in the secret room
someplace and boils it in ammonia, and gets it
perverted. Then he brings it back to us in rehearsal
and makes us play it
Ian: I've been in the group for years and let me tell
you that is exactly, that is precisely what he does: He
steals all his material
Howard: And the stuff he doesn't steal, Murray Roman
writes for him. Listen, without us he'd be nothing!
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