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Now Arnold Jones an' MaryBeth Jensen's in a 'Vette down by the Deep Rock Had John Denver on the 8-track, gettin' high MaryBeth's wig was on the floor An' Arnold's feet was out the door When we shined our flashlight in Arnold's startled eyes I says "What chew doin' boy? Don't chew know that's against the law? We just gonna hafta get this situation under control Now my name is Fairweather Lewis an' this here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie County Love Patrol."
Then two hippies in a Chevy's puffin' grass an' sippin' wine 'Bout fourteen mile south-east a' Council Bluffs They's passin' 'round the peace-pipe When we caught 'em with our flashlight An' Willard's hairy hands applied the cuffs. I says, "Boys you got some trouble You committin' herb-i-cide. We just gonna hafta get this situation under control 'Cause I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie County Weed Patrol."
Then we spied ol' Marvin Kline a-headin' south on twenty-nine Like a midnight auto ac-cessory store on wheels His trunk was full a' hub caps An' his back seat full a' tires When we picked him up and made him spread his heels I says, "Hands up-on the wall, boy You allowed t' make one call We just gonna hafta get this situation under control Cause, see, I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie County Rip-off Patrol."
Then Orval Hinkle left the Go-Go Club on his brand-new motor-sickle Runnin' stop-lights, raisin' hell an' causin' accidents His brain was doin' wheelies An' his blood was three-two beer When we nailed him in his driveway at his residence I says, "Orval, you're in trouble boy But if you'll blow this here balloon up We gonna get your situation under control Now I'm Captain Fairweather Lewis an' this here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie County Juice Patrol."
Then we's passin' by the Dew Drop Inn when he heard this woman scream So we pulled on in an' parked an' got the guns out Well we bashed on through the lobby into unit seventeen There's twenty-eight folks in there without no clothes on. I says "Everbody up against the wall; show us yer identification. We just gonna definitely get this situation under control 'Cause my name is Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard Clark We the Pottawattamie County Sin Patrol."
C'mon, Willard, let's go sneakin' 'round in the dark some more, never know what yer gonna find.
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