The night Pat Murphy died was a night I'll never forget!
Everyone got roarin' drunk and some not sober yet
As long as the bottle got passed around and everyone feelin' gay
Till a laddie came with bagpipes and music for to play
And that's how they showed their respect for Patty Murphy
That's how they showed their honor and their pride
They said it was a sin and a shame and they winked at one another
And every glass in the house was raised, the night Pat Murphy died
Well, Mrs. Murphy sat in the corner, Pouring out her grief
While Kelly and his friends, the dirty robbin thieves
Well they crept into the anteroom and a bottle of whiskey stole
And they placed the bottle upon the corpse, to keep the liquor cold
Well, the whole damn thing got merry, they didn't have a prayer
And Mrs. Murphy said she'd wait till all the gang were there
Of all the sights I'd ever seen that made me shiver with fear
Was when they took the ice off the corpse and placed it in the beer
Well someone hollered for the cops, they busted down the door
They jumped upon ole Patty's back and laid him on the floor
They knocked him twice behind the ears and once behind the head
But when they jumped up from his back, they found out he was dead
At 10:00 in the morning, the funeral left the house
Everyone but poor ole Mrs. Murphy was out soused
We stopped on the way to the graveyard, at the old Red Door Saloon
We went in there at 10:00 and we didn't come out till noon
Well someone asked old Milligan if anyone had died
Well Lou says he "I'm not quite sure, I just came for the ride"
We started off for the churchyard all in a very straight line
But we got to the grave we'd found we'd left the corpse behind
Old Dun Cow (Harry Wincott) top of page
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Some friends and I in a public house
Was playin' dominoes one night
When into the pub a fireman ran
His face all chalky white.
"What's up", says Brown, "Have you seen a ghost,
Or have you seen your Aunt Mariah?"
"Me Aunt Mariah be buggered!", says he,
"The bleedin' pub's on fire!"
And there was Brown upside down
Moppin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came knockin' on the door (clap clap)
Oh don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
And somebody shouted MacIntyre! MACINTYRE!
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
"Oh well," says Brown, "What a bit of luck.
Everybody follow me.
And it's down to the cellar
If the fire's not there
Then we'll have a drunken spree."
So we went on down with good old Brown
The booze we could not miss
And we hadn't been there ten minutes or more
Till we were quite like this...
Then, Smith walked over to the port wine tub
And gave it just a few hard knocks (clap clap)
Started takin' off his pantaloons
Likewise his shoes and socks.
"Hold on, " says Brown, "that ain't allowed
Ya cannot do that down here.
Don't go washin' out your trotters in the finest wine tub
When we got Miller Lite beer."
And then there came a great big crash
Half the bloody roof gave way.
We were almost drowned in the firemen's hose
Though still we were gonna stay
So we got some tacks and some old wet sacks
And we nailed ourselves inside
And we sat there getting bleary-eyed drunk
‘Til we was petrified.
At last the firemen got inside
And found us all dead drunk
But like true heroes, as they could
They helped us in our funk
They saw the booze upon the floor
And gave a sudden yell
Then the took their helmets off
And dropped and drank like hell
Later that night, as the fire burned down
We emerged from the cellar below.
Our booze was drunk, our pub was burned
And our spirits sank quite low.
“Oh, look!”, says Brown as he checked his watch
By the light of the dying fire.
“Now we gotta get down to Clancy’s Bar
It closes on the hour!”
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