Tom Lehrer N Apostrophe T Lyrics

SCENE: Outside the cave of a very grouchy hermit.
CAST: The hermit (H) and a very sweet child (C).
C: Isn't it a lovely day? H: No, it isn't!
C: Could you come outside and play? H: No, I couldn't!
C: Did you ever take a hike? H: No, I didn't!
C: How'd you like to ride my bike? H: Frankly, I
wouldn't!
C: Isn't, couldn't, didn't, wouldn't -- Is that all you
can say?
H: Isn't, couldn't, didn't, wouldn't -- Yes, now go
away!
The sweetest sound to me,
It stands for "not,"
I like it a lot,
It's spelled N apostrophe T.
C: Have you ever tried to smile? H: No, I haven't!
C: Won't you try it for a while? H: No, I won't!
C: Are there games to play in there? H: No, there
aren't!
C: Then why d'you like to stay in there? H: Frankly, I
don't! C: Haven't, won't, aren't, don't --
Is that all you can say?
H: Haven't, won't, aren't, don't --
And I said, "Go away!"
Grouches all agree,
We get a glow
From saying "NO!"
With N apostrophe T.
C: Do you talk to anyone? H: (wistfully) No, I don't.
C: Come on out and have some fun. H: (hesitantly) No, I
couldn't.
C: Can't you even tell me why? H: (apologetically) No,
I can't.
C: Will it kill you just to try? H: (wanting to) Well.
I shouldn't.
C: Don't, couldn't, can't, shouldn't -- Now try it once
my way! Do!
H: Do!
C: Could!
H: Could!
C: Can!
H: Can!
C: Should!
H: Should!
Hey, that feels okay!
I'll give it a try And say goodbye To N apostrophe
C: N apostrophe
Both: N apostrophe T!