STEVE VAI


Little Pieces Of Seaweed Lyrics

Wait!!! Let me explain. First off, I want it to be
known that I do not mean to be promoting violence with
this song. It is an experimentation with a certain form
of poetry and orchestration. It started out with Larry
Kutcher, a young man with an unusua l talent for
spontaneous poetry (on many different planes of
understanding). Well, Larry recorded about 1 1/2 hours
of totally improvised “uncongressed ambiguities” which
I spliced up and put on a drum machine track and built
an arrangement around. Warning...if you take drugs and
listen to this piece with headphones on, I can’t be
held responsible for your mental health. Hey, just get
a kick out of it, OK?

You’re lookin’ for trouble
You’ve come to the right place
Come on baby, smack the smegma
All across the place because...

I took little pieces of seaweed and I caused stretch
marks to appear all over your little body. Yes I did. I
really did. It was all over your body. Eh, your body
looked like a road map, and my best friend got so
confused, he thought you were doubting Thomas and put
his fingers in your holes that I left there after I
beat you up with an axe.

I looked at you and I suppose that you’d like to stick
a pair of speakers in my throat because you don’t like
the way I speak. Of course you don’t. Why don’t you put
me in overdrive and we’ll get in treble. We’ll have
triplets together. We’ll have to talk to the staff
about it. Oh, I’m so flat; I’m so flat; I’m so flat;
I’m so flat.

Ah, you’re under arrest. You’re under arrest. You’re
under arrest for smiling in Sector V, now; don’t step
across the line. Take off your clothes. Put your
buttocks in your pocket and spread your hands. Now bend
over. Now bend over. Bend over, bend over and spread
those cheeks. Bend over and spread those cheeks. Bend
over and spread those cheeks. Bend over and spread
those cheeks. I’m going to insert my notes from an
isotope that I scored off Einstein while he peeled off
his pimples with plutonium. Why can’t he perform the
way he did earlier? (Well, I’ll tell you). What’s wrong
with him? He’s lost his style; he’s lost his spunk;
he’s no good; he’s funk. He smells like a cowbell. He
has the personality of a road accident. He has the IQ
of salamander sweat. And he smells like stale cat piss
shoved intravenously through the IV of an aging welfare
patient. Welfare, all fare, we’re all fair on this
universe, and I’ve got a ticket to ride you any time I
want because I’m abusive. Don’t cry at me with your
wah-wah pedal. Don’t plug in your amplifier and tell me
you paid your dues. Don’t tell me you went for this
guy’s act and you went for your own fame. Don’t tell me
that I’m to blame.

And I took little pieces of seaweed. I took little
pieces of seaweed. I took little pieces of seaweed. I
took little, I took little pieces of seaweed. Pieces of
seaweed. I took little pieces of seaweed. Pieces of. I
took little pieces of seaweed and I caused stretch
marks to appear all over your little body. Yes I did. I
really did. It was all over your body. Eh, eh, your
body looked like a road map, and my best friend got so
confused, he thought you were a doubting Thomas and he
put his fingers in your holes that I left there after I
beat you up with an axe. And he put you in the car, and
he drove you down to Sylmar to meet this guy who used
to play for the big guy. You know, the big guy. I’ll be
Frank with ya, ya know. (Snork) But, no. It wasn’t good
enough for her. She wanted a sensitive guy. So I
f**kin’ tok her out to the beach and I put some
sandpaper in the KY Jelly -- because you always hurt
the ones you love. (Oh, that’s why you beat her up with
an axe). I let the pelicans, I let the pelicans, have
their way with her. (I’m over here, Shorts. Here
Shorts...). And I threatened her with a pelican. I
threatened her with a pelican. Don’t tell me that I’m
to blame. Ya tell me, tell me, tell me, ya tell me
you’re so good; you tell me you’re so fine; you tell me
you’re so wonderful; you tell me you’re sublime. You
tell me you’re so good; you tell me you’re so fine; you
tell me you’re so wonderful; you tell me you’re
sublime, sublime, sublime, sublime, sublime. Eh ha, eh
ha, ha, ha, eh, ha ha...

And he judges. He judges. He says what’s good and
what’s right, and what’s good and what’s right, and
what’s good and what’s right, and what’s good as what’s
right. He says, “This product will sell many units in
that demographical area”. And I took little pieces of
seaweed and I caused stretch marks to appear all over
your little body. Yes I did; yes I did; yes I did; yes
I did....

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Songwriter(s): Larry Kutcher, Steve Vai
Record Label(s): 2011 Favored Nations
Official lyrics by

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