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Well I guess it was back in '63 When eatin' my cookin' got the better of me So I asked this little girl I was goin' with to be my wife
Well she said she would so I said "I do" But I'd have said "I wouldn't" if I'd have just knew how sayin' "I do" was gonna screw up all of my life
Well the first few years weren't all that bad I'll never forget the good times we had Cause I'm reminded every month when I send her the child support
Well it wasn't too long till the lust all died And I'll admit I wasn't too surprised the day I come home and found my suitcase sittin' out on the porch
Well I tried to get in but she changed the locks Then I found this note taped on the mailbox that said "Goodbye, Turkey! My attorney will be in touch" Mm-hmm
So I decided right then and there I's a-gonna do what's right and give her her fair share But brother I didn't know her share's gonna be that much
She got the gold mine She got the gold mine I got the shaft I got the shaft They split it right down the middle and then they give her the better half Well it all sounds sorta funny but it hurts too much to laugh She got the gold mine I got the sha-a-aft
Now listen, you ain't heard nothin' yet Why, they give her the color television set Then they give her the house the kids and both of the cars! See?
Well then they start talkin' 'bout child support, alimony and the cost of the court Didn't take me long to figure out how far in the toilet I was!
I'm tellin' ya they have made a mistake 'Cause it adds up to more than this cowboy makes Besides everything I ever had worth takin' they've already took While she's livin' like a queen on alimony I'm workin' two shifts eatin' baloney askin' myself "Why didn't you just learn how to cook?"
They give her the gold mine She got the gold mine They give me the shaft I got the shaft They said they're splittin' it all down the middle but she got the better half Well it all sounds mighty funny But it hurts too much to laugh She got the gold mine I got the sha-a-aft
Well, she got the gold mine She got the gold mine I got the shaft I got the shaft They split it all down the middle and then they give her the better half Well I guess it all sounds funny, Hoo hoo hoo ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! But it hurts too much to laugh She got the gold mine I got the sha-a-aft
(They ain't kiddin' me I got the shaft)
Well I do't have to worry 'bout totin' a billfold anymore Hahahahaha I let my wife tote it I'm gonna be carryin' food stamps You get it, Judge? I'm on-a beŠ Just! Hahahaha Ah it's not funny Huh? Huh? Huh? Contempt of court? Whaddaya mean? Listen, judge I's just kiddin'!
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