JAMES E.F LANDAU


Let's Set A Date Lyrics

(Parody of "Let's Do It, Let's Fall in Love")
MELANIE
When the little green snake
With its skin inclined to flake
HAKEEM
When the little green frog
In the shallows of the bog
Turns all red;
(It looks dead!)
MELANIE
When the little green toad
In the middle of the road
Gets squashed flat
Over at
The debate;
HAKEEM
Then that means it's our turn
To go ahead and learn
To date
HAKEEM & MELANIE
And that's why . . .
Whites do it, Blacks do it,
Ashkenazim and Cossacks do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
In St. Vincent, Grenadines do it,
People in the Philippines do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
In Myanmar, Burmans and Mons do it,
So do Arakanese;
Karens and Shans do it,
Quite as much as they please.
Marshallese, I believe, without leave do it,
Israelis living down in Tel Aviv do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
PAUL
Sephardic Jews do it, Sioux do it,
Even ni-Vanuatus do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
Vaticans would, could they date, do it,
Free love vendors at the Haight do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
The Ainu in old Japan do it,
And Chamorros in Guam;
Folks in Iran do it,
(In Vietnamese accent) As well as the Cham,
In Vi-et-nam.
Basques by the Bay of Biscay do it,
Romantic Latins throughout Uruguay do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
SARAH
Subversive Reds in Kiev do it,
Same-sex couples in S.F. do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
Veronans, now without feuds, do it,
Amish teens, if they're not prudes, do it.
Let's do it, let's set a date.
Even the Kukukuku do it,
Although it may seem odd;
The Arabs, too, do it,
From Beirut to Riyadh;
Lasses and lads, in Scotch plaids, do it,
And, peripatetically, Nomads do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
ALAN
In Brooklyn, bees do it, birds do it,
Welsh, pursued by the tabloids, do it.
Let's do it, let's set a date.
Amadores, en Perú, do it,
Ne Nihon no zaibatsu do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
The males in Rome's chaparrals did it,
With the opposite sex;
Neanderthals did it,
As well as the Aztecs.
And then, of course, ancient Norse did it,
Indulgent Classic Greeks without remorse did it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
TRINA
The Cajuns, while they're still young, do it,
Mauritanians and Hmong do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
French-kissing French, mouth-to-mouth, do it,
Even rednecks, in the South, do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
Less Puritanic Bombays do it,
Though it seems out of place;
It's rumored, Greys do it,
Somewhere out there in space.
Outside the shrines, Palestines do it,
All their concupiscent concubines do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
PAUL
Brazilians down in Brazil do it,
Iraqis who have time to kill do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
Polish Jews in the shtetlach do it,
Even Ulsters by the loch do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
Hell's Angels down in L.A. do it,
For a heavenly time;
Folks in Norway do it,
They're just as hot as I'm!
Among the Moors, paramours do it,
Moroccans, too, who know how it allures do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
ALAN
The Swedes, more than you can tell, do it,
Cubans, even with Fidel, do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
Rebellious Shakers, perhaps, do it,
Even Zyrians and Lapps do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
The Chinese in Chinatown do it,
They go out for chow mein;
Magindasaon do it,
Like the Spaniards in Spain.
Creoles, on trips, on cruise ships, do it,
In Long Beach, California, Bloods and Crips do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
SARAH
In nature, black channel bass do it,
Pairs of cichlids in their glass do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
Some frenzied monkeys, we see do it,
Once per life can each drone bee do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
The lovebirds up in the air do it,
In their flashing display;
Lice in your hair do it,
What's the use of louse spray?
The whole world gabs of how crabs do it,
Even little fruit flies in the labs do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
Sidewinders, down by the sage, do it,
Axolotls underage do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
In cages, albino mice do it,
Even birds-of-paradise do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
Vampire bats, as they fly, do it,
Hope they get their lips wiped;
Grey octopi do it,
They begin to turn striped.
Oysters, perplexed how they're sexed, do it,
Bookworms, as according to the text, do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
TRINA
Bacilli, mildew and mold do it,
Rusts, though dating must get old, do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
Seaweed and kelp, on the sand, do it.
Streptococci, I can't stand, do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
Yeast strains with none else to do do it,
In the scientist's cup;
Amoebas, too, do it,
Though they always split up.
The most discreet young gametes do it,
Even syphilitic spirochaetes do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
SARAH
Arundas, don't ask me why, do it,
Though they're simple, Tasaday do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
ALAN
Cheyenne and Osage, they claim, do it,
And Oneidas, all the same, do it,
Let's do it, let's set a date.
PAUL
The Hopi and Navajo do it,
The same with the Nez Perce;
All tribes we know do it,
In the whole universe.
HAKEEM & MELANIE:
So if the native Cherokee
And the Cree
Do it,
I think it worth
To ask why on Earth
Can't we do it?
[Or: Then tell me why
Can't you and I --
Can't we -- do it?
ALL STUDENTS
So, let's do it,
Let's set a date.
Let's -- set -- a -- date.

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