George Carlin - Offensive Language
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GEORGE CARLIN


Offensive Language Lyrics

Thank you, thank you, welcome to our show. Don't you
think it's just a little bit strange that Ronald Reagan
had an operation on his asshole and George Bush had an
operation on his middle finger. Huh? Huh? What are
these two men trying to tell us?

Now I'd like to begin tonight with an opening
announcement: Because of the FCC, I'm never sure what
it is I'm allowed to say. So..so, I now have my own
official policy: This is the language you will not be
hearing tonight.

You will not hear me say: bottom line, game plan, role
model, scenario, or hopefully. I will not kick back,
mellow out, or be on a roll. I will not go for it and I
will not check it out; I don't even know what it is.
And when I leave here I definitely will not boogie. I
promise not to refer to anyone as a class act, a
beautiful person or a happy camper. I will also not be
saying "what a guy." And you will not hear me refer to
anyone's lifestyle. If you want to know what a moronic
word "lifestyle" is, all you have to do is realize that
in a technical sense, Atilla the Hun had an active
outdoor lifestyle. I will also not be saying any cute
things like "moi." And I will not use the French adverb
"tres" to modify any English adjectives. Such as "tres
awesome," "tres gnarly," "tres fabou," "tres intense,"
or "tres out-of-sight." I will not say concept when I
mean idea. I will not say impacted when I mean
affected. There will be no hands-on state-of-the-art
networking. We will not maximize, prioritize, or
finalize...and we definitely will not interface. There
will also...there will also be no new-age lingo spoken
here tonight. No support-group jargon from the human
potential movement. For instance, I will not share
anything with you. I will not relate to you and you
will not identify with me. I will give you no input,
and I will expect no feedback. This will not be a
learning experience, nor will it be a growth period.
There'll be no sharing, no caring, no birthing, no
bonding, no parenting, no nurturing. We will not
establish a relationship, we will not have any
meaningful dialogue and we definitely will not spend
any quality time. We will not be supportive of one
another, so that we can get in touch with our feelings
in order to feel good about ourselves. And if you're
one of those people who needs a little
space...please...go the fuck outside.

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